in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
