She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
