Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
