I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
