Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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