So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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