my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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