don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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