My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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