You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
