His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
