I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
