...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
