I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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