hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize