my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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