I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
