Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize