On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
