My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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