Your tits are I can't wait for
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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