better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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