He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
