I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
