tell your sister to shave her snatch
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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