it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
