I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
