Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
