Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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