Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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