Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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