not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
