When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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