can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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