tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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