Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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