even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
