Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
