Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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