I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
