do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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