I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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