Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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