i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize