Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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