Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he puts the penis in happiness.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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