I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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