Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
