when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
