Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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