Non-Jews are for practice
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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