i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
