I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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