i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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