Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
