She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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