I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
