Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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