he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
