i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
