..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
