I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
