the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
either way he was missing a nipple.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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