She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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