His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
