I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize