so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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