after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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