last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
