Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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