Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
His nipple licking is glorious
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