I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
