The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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