butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
