I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
