dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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