therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
