Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
