how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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