You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
