remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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