someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
