i just had sex bonerless
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
