please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
honey bunches of taint.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
