how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
