You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
