Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize