I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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