There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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