I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
