You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
