i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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