By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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