my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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