i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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