after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
