You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
